Thursday, 21 August 2014

Being cheated on

Im going to cheat on you and make you believe its your fault.

I've always wondered what it'd be like to be cheated on. I've always been massively anti-cheat as no one is forcing you to be with a person. But I never imagined it'd be this awful. It's not as if you're mourning for that person - every nice feeling you ever had for them is quickly replaced with hatred - you just feel so low in yourself.

What's worse for me is that I had no idea it was going on and I had no idea he was unhappy as he claims to be right now. I thought everything was fine, and I was going along all happy whilst he was sat there lying to me and planning a life with someone else. I was telling my friends and family what an amazing guy he is, whilst he was scouring online, searching for someone new to replace me.

It's as though it's all my fault. Everything that's happened is because of me, like the quote above says. He did what he did because I wasn't good enough, because someone better came along. I tried hard, I did everything I could to make him happy, but it wasn't good enough and there's nothing I can ever do about that. To him, it might've been a joke. I might've just been someone who was there to entertain him for a few months before someone better came along. But to me, it was serious.

To make matters even more worse, he still can't see what he's done wrong. And all I'm now left with is a worthless half-hearted apology. He's continuing his life, happy as Larry with this new girl, and I'm here, confused. I have no idea how I'm supposed to be feeling, and I have no idea what to do. I've not only lost him in a relationship-sense, but also as a best friend.

He walked away (in the most disgusting way, I might add) and left me as if I didn't mean anything to him. All of those months completely wasted. And I had no idea it was happening. I don't really know where I'm going with this post. I have no idea whether or not to publish it. I suppose I just need advice. Similar stories. And it's nice getting your feelings out there. I haven't read this back so sorry for any mistakes and errors.